Lately, I feel like the tree in this picture--frozen in place and stripped down to bare branches, while everything in the distance sparkles with wonder. As a girl who wanted to go into missions and rarely dated, I tried to prepare myself for the fact that I might never get married. As a result, I never dreamed I would be a stay-at-home-mom. Teacher, missionary, world-traveler and adventurer, maybe, but I didn't imagine I'd be inching this close to the "soccer mom" category--ever.
But here I am.
I have an 18-month-old and a three and a half year old who rely on me to sustain their loud little lives on a 24-hour basis. My husband is extremely helpful and doesn't shy away from the dirty duties of parenthood, but he works from 9 to 5 and I am the full-time caretaker to these two little ones.
And that is all that I do right now. Because, truly, it is a 24-hour job (if you've never seen it, watch the video that went viral in 2014 called "The World's Toughest Job" about motherhood).
In my post, The Narrowing, I say that I am being given the "gift of lessening." This week, I've been struggling to have this positive perspective. I lead a small life, insignificant to all but about five people in the world right now, and it just feels like there should be more.
But this morning on my run, something happened. The sun was beginning to rise as I set out and the sky was a swirly dark blue, with asphalt-shaded mountains in the distance. Slowly, the sun began to illuminate the hills, then the tips of the winter trees who were striking a pose as if stopped mid-dance. Fiery gold and blazing orange suddenly shone on that lone stripped-down tree, which had been plain black just a minute before. And the light poured over it in blinding brilliance like a burning bush. And God seemed to speak.
"I see you."
I see you, sweet mama. As you wipe another nose, change another diaper, read another story. I see you as you wearily stumble out of bed in the middle of the night to fix your child's pillow that wasn't quite touching the wall the way he liked. While no one else is watching, I know when you fold that load of laundry for the thirtieth time this month. And I see you when you stand at the grocery store and wonder how many children you can safely fit into one shopping cart (AND fit all your groceries). And I smile when you think that a dentist visit now qualifies as a "relaxing" event because you are forced to lie down for almost an hour.
And do you see this ordinary tree?
The only reason she is radiant right now is because I am shining on her. I am what makes this tree beautiful, just as I am making you resplendent with my light.
Those who look to the Lord are radiant, their faces are never covered with shame (Ps. 34:5).
When I learned to scuba dive (in what life was that??), I found myself wondering why God would bury incredible creatures so deep in the ocean that humans would never even see. And then it hit me. He did it for Himself. They were reserved for His own personal entertainment, enjoyment and pleasure.
God loves the hidden things, the obscure, buried, and weak.
He rejoices in them as He delights in treasure. As He delights in you and I. Though we may feel small and insignificant, God shines on us and makes us radiant purely for His own pleasure.
The Message version of Jesus' beatitudes speaks right to the heart of this ordinary stay-at-home-mom today:
"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
You're blessed when you get your inside world--your mind and heart--put right. Then you can see God in the outside world."
Matthew 5: 3-9 (MSG)
God sees you. No matter where you are or how insignificant you feel, He delights in you. And like the plain and ordinary tree, our smallness only serves to illuminate His radiance in our lives.
I'm clinging to those love words today. With less of me, there is more of God (Mat. 5:3 MSG).
Do you ever feel like you lead a small life?
What do you tell yourself in those moments?
{I'm taking a week off from Thursday Thoughts for Writers because I'm coming down with a cold and already had this post written. I'll be back on track by next week!}
Related Posts:
Motherhood & the Big Picture
When Jesus Asks Too Much of Us
Love & Marriage: The Narrowing
Goodbye to the Other Leslies
Last Post~When We Fear {for Velvet Ashes}
Next Post~ Christian Art {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}
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